-Author, Musician, Poet-

Ryan Sam Turner

my insane brain

a blog about my mental health

CRYING IN A CAR PARK

There I was, earlier this evening, sitting in my car, in a retail park, counting down the minutes until a dreaded job interview, trying to convince myself that I was confident, and ready. I wasn’t. I had hoped that my 2mg hit of Valium would have somehow magically transformed me and pushed me through it, but not on this occasion. Instead, I sat in my car, bawling my eyes out, constantly wiping my tears away so that I didn’t look stupid to shoppers and passers-by. Even a last-

CRYING IN A CAR PARK

THE SUICIDE IN ME

I woke up the other day, and while laying on my side, in my awakening haze, I stared out the bedroom window. The sun was shining, and the sky was clear blue. A beautiful morning. Well, it would be for anyone else. Instead, all I could think about was jumping out the window, head first onto the concrete slabs below, and if I did do that, would it be enough to kill me, or would I just cause myself irreversible brain damage and become a vegetable? This is my thought process righ

WILL I EVER BE WHO I USED TO BE?

Welcome to ‘My Insane Brain’, my aptly-titled blog, detailing the day-to-day problems facing a manic depressed, social anxiety suffering, OCD consumed weirdo. I won’t go into my past too much at the moment, other than tell you that I was first diagnosed with depression over 10 years ago, and although that has subsided somewhat, another, more debilitating mental illness has now taken hold. A couple of years ago, I became so fearful when entering social situations. It came to a