Mental As Anything

It's been over a year now, but it's still a monumental struggle.

There hasn't been a day when I've not thought about her ... not single one day, probably not one single hour in all honesty.

In bed at night, I run through all the scenarios when I wish I'd acted differently - not that I was to blame on every occasion - but there were ways I could have reacted better, made wiser choices, just paused for a moment and evaluated the situations.

For sure, my anxiety issues put a great strain on things, stopping me from being the man who she fell in love with, but I thought she would have held on for a little bit longer, and things would have returned to normal. I still struggle with the fact that she gave up.

I know that she no longer thinks of me, and that is difficult to comprehend. I wish she could recall all the fun times - the occasions of buckled, hysterical laughter, all the sweet little things we done for one another, all the times I jumped out on her, scaring wits out of her, all the gigs we went to, where my arms would be wrapped around her waist.

As I go about my days now, my eyes dart around, hoping to see her - a chance encounter - but I know if I did see her, that words would escape me, and I would have nothing to say, other than 'I'm sorry' and 'I miss you'.